Dhoom 3 – Transformers, smelling the fart and strip tease

I was late for the party; I watched Dhoom 3 after entire world and his wife. when I reached here, Internet is filled with contents by Bhakts on how Dhoom 3 fulfilled their lives and without which Holidays would have been so boring. Twitter is trending with trends and screenshots of trends and tweeting why twitter is trending with it. Box offices are shouting that this has broken all the records in Nepal, Pakistan, Somalia and Papua new-guinea; before this, we did not know movie industries existed out there. Oh Boy! Aamir Khan Movies are festivals on their own. You must be living under a rock if you haven’t bought one of these overpriced tickets and enjoyed performance of Bollywood perfectionist.

Aamir Khan Bhakts who did not sense sarcasm above, this is when you close the browser.

Okay, let’s start. Within first five minutes the message comes out – loud and clear. A) Revenge is must whenever a banker does not lend you more money considering your ideas are nuts. B) never ever ever beg or plead in front of a gora, instead it’s cool to shoot yourself in front of kids. The Entire movie is built around these two principles – Aamir’s character(s) live for a) and dies with b)! Oh joy! There is absolutely nothing else worth noting – it’s a regular masala flick – a formula with half cup each of humiliated parent, extreme poverty, 25 years of revenge, cabaret for masses, surprise twins twist, shattering brick walls and flying rickshaws; add salt and pepper as per your taste.

Something must be said about Katrina. It appears like her entry to the movie is choreographed  by a horny 17 year old kid. The only good song in entire movie – Kamali, is a mix of two most popular adult movie genres, strip-tease and casting-couch. !!

Katrina Kaif Dhoom3
Katrina Kaif Dhoom3

Having expected as a heist movie I thought it would show something smart like Ocean’s eleven. But No, robbery starts with him running away rather than a planned execution of robbery itself. It was also told this movie is about magic. which is also called circus for some undisclosed reasons, there isn’t any magic as well. Listen to this – for a magic trick, they keep one of the twins hidden for his entire lifespan – without even social security  number Obamacare! How cool is that?

Okay, then it must be a race movie like its predecessors. Apparently it isn’t that too, in fact, it’s does not even have a genuine race. While rest of the crowd follow in regular vehicles Aamir rides on second cousin of optimus prime – youngest member of autobot transformers. Apparently, riding it on the road is one of the boring things one can do with it, when it can assemble itself as hovercraft and motorboat as well (did I miss helicopter?).

Abhishek and Uday are said to have enrolled under BharataRatna Sri Rajiv Gandhi Rojgar Yojna, even then this is  Uday Chopra’s career best performance. US characters in the movie are like never aging vampires. Only person in entire movie with some acting experience is Aamir and he

Aamir Khan smelling the fart
Aamir Khan smelling the fart

screws is up. I don’t know hot explain but let me give a try – Aamir is “selectively differently abled”. One of his characters cannot tie shoes, but note, he can operate an autobot bike also can do acrobatic dances at par with Katrina. His character is very similar to “my name is Khan…”, King Khan messed it up, so did Aamir’s now.

The Most Annoying part is, he pulls out random expressions at random places. I was told Amir does Joey Tribbiani’s “smelling the fart” throughout the movie, allegedly intense acting. But I could note some more: ‘did I leave the gas on?’, ‘did I change my undie today?. And when he places an occasional smile inbetween all these intense soul searching questions, it look like ‘That fart smells like cinnamon’.

Sorry about so many fart jokes, If you can explain it better way, be my guest.

The movie itself has so many loop holes that you will be conphused about ‘Saans kahan se lein aur…‘. (too many fart jokes eh?). There are several posts listing all the things which went wrong in this movie. Here, one of the most hilarious among them, by mumbaiboss .

Those who accused Aamir Khan as a perfectionist, please eat your shoes now, or that hat he wore.

One thought on “Dhoom 3 – Transformers, smelling the fart and strip tease

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