There is this site, which can calculate what does the internet think on anything you wish. To start with I keyed in the same keywords any curious Indian would do, “India” and “Pakistan”.

Nothing conclusive , but good to see the results this way. On the same lines, there is one ”bicycle repairman” joke on relevant to this. Here it is if you haven’t heard of it, enjoy:

Manmohan Singh and Barack Obama are sitting at a pub sipping bear. A Journalist who walks in and sees these guys and the conversation :

J: What on the earth you guys dicussing in a pub?

BO: We’re planning World War III.

J : Really? What’s your plan ?

MS: We’re going to kill 15 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman

J: A bicycle repairman!?!

Manmohan turns to Obama and says: “See, I told you no one would worry about the 15 million Pakistanis!”

Posted in rants Tagged: colossus, Thorpe park ]]> http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/09/30/thorpe-park-colossus/feed/ 0 bachodi http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/10-public-intellectuals/ http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/10-public-intellectuals/#comments Sat, 26 Sep 2009 08:43:03 +0000 bachodi http://bachodi.wordpress.com/?p=543 ]]>

A weird analyses on the results for  Top 100 Public Intellectuals Poll conducted by Prospect Magazine (UK) and Foreign Policy (US). Do you see any difference as I did?

People who voted think religious preachers are more impotent intellectuals to this world than atheists. The same crowd was mentally aright  in 2005 . Also , now there are more intellectuals in south Asia and gulf compared to west.

Looks like whole poll has intention of appeasement.

2005 list :

1. Noam Chomsky : American philosopher, libertarian socialist
2. Umberto Eco : Italian critic, philosopher
3. Richard Dawkins : English biologist , author, atheist
4. Václav Havel :  Czech playwright, essayist, politician.
5. Christopher Hitchens : British author, journalist, and atheist
6. Paul Krugman :  American economist, liberal columnist, and author (Nobel)
7. Jürgen Habermas : German philosopher and sociologist
8. Amartya Sen : Indian economist,  Professor (Nobel)
9. Jared Diamond : American scientist , author Atheist
10. Salman Rushdie : British Indian novelist,  Atheist

2008 list

1. Fethullah Gulen : Turkish preacher
2. Muhammad Yunus : Bangladeshi banker and economist
3. Yusuf al-Qaradawi : Egyptian scholar and preacher
4. Orhan Pamuk : Turkish novelist
5. Aitzaz Ahsan : Pakistani Advocate
6. Amr Khaled :  Egyptian activist and preacher
7. Abdolkarim Soroush :  Iranian thinker, philosopher, reformer
8. Tariq Ramadan : Swiss religous academic
9. Mahmood Mamdani : Ugandan Professor Government
10. Shirin Ebadi :  Iranian lawyer, human rights activist

Dil Bole Hadippaa! is another Yash Raj crappy movie. If you are not in high school (or below) and love your reasoning ability you shouldn’t like it. The movie is based on day dreams and fantasies of a fourteen year old.

Remember you were fourteen dreamt about being Chinese figure skating couple (with girl of third bench in your class) after watching it in ESPN? or dreamt about being Spanish Matador after watching it in a news channel? or being secret agent for RAW India and air dropped into Rawalpindi Pakiland for an assignment only you are capable of doing, fantasised after watching a crappy 007 bond movie? It’s same here in Dil Bole Hadippa. Scriptwriter was in a mindset of a high school kid and he just watched a Cricket match!!!

If you were to fantasise a cricket match …..

• Match will have to be won, and it should not be an easy win. It will be a “Last Ball, Last wicket, four runs” win
• Match will have to be won and more importantly won against political or traditional rivals. Also, it has to be a revenge win… 10 year old revenge.
• Opposite team will have 11 all-rounder world class players? Your team will have only you and your captain can play cricket. Rest of them are good for nothing. Still you win
• On the process of winning your vital bone will be fractured, your hand. You will still play to win the match. (If it were foot ball your leg will be fractured and if you are a ballet dancer your ankle….& so on).
• At one point of the time you will have to hit six sixes.
• You will have the ability to score big runs as right and also left handed batsman

Unfortunately all these fantasies are true in this movie; they are incorporated as it is; giving you the ability to predict every scene in the movie.

Other Masalas….

1. Masala #1 Songs: Packed with bad songs. Not single one of them is worth remembering again. This movie is targeted for NRIs around the worlds and specifically Punjabis, so each song is bhangra, with loads of colours and stuff. Exactly. I have never been to Punjab, but I am curious to learn if they dance all the time there as shown in this movie?
2. Masala#2 Re-unions: There are many reunions in this movie, and enough amount sentiments associate with it. First, the father reunites with son, after 10 years resulting in son giving up his career for his father’s silly ambitions. Mother reunites with father for no reason at all!!
3. Masala #3 Item girls: There are two of them in the movie, unnecessarily wearing less than necessary clothing.
4. Masala #4 Realization: Gender Equality, Social Equality, Cricket ethics, work ethics… and other topic attended at philosophical level shot at each other and rest of the world making them realise that they were totally wrong. It is presented such a way that before release of this movie there were none of the above listed ideas practiced in our society.
5. Masala #5 Disguise: Biggest mistake!!! Everyone in the audience (including any retarded ones, if any) can see Rani is in disguise as a man, but no character in the movie could figure that out. For whole length of the movie Rani hides behind thin beard and a turban. Not a soul, including her teammates, captain, spectators, Pakistani visa department, border security and the even the doctor had a teeny tiny doubt!!!

But Shahid could finally find out it’s actually a babe, not a guy and do you know how? Her freaking left contact lenses falls off!!!! What a genius!!!

Lessons learnt: Yash Raj movies suck, always !

Hindi
Kameeney                  +8
Life partner                -2

English
Inglourious Basterds     +8
Time Travellers wife       +6
Dance Flick                       +4

Tamil
Kanthasamy                       -3

This is what happens when kids read holy books instead of history and geography. She says “My friend Sara is Indian and I learned about her culture and realized she needs to become christian, I wanna save her but right now its not looking so good .“

Learned about her culture ??? common you dont not even know the difference between India and Africa for crying out loud. It worries me that this kid who doesn’t even know what religion is, how notorious and stupid it is, is trying to convert some one for fun (or may be a school project)!

You know what kiddo, you tried with an Indian friend. Try it with a middle east kid next time and let us know how it worked out for you…

Cartoon lifted from here

Happy Independence Day!

A small clip of  ”World Naked Bike Ride – London 2009″ . I had captured this in my camera sometime back near Hyde park.

I could have crossed the road and shot a better view but did not do it just for a single important reason : want to stay married

Disclaimer: Almost no visible nudity in this clip

“Love Aaj Kal” is a very pleasant movie. This is one of the 5% Bollywood movies where director has common sense and actors can act.

Straight to the points, I liked these:

• Acting. There were no overacting !! All characters were good in their place. Saif was in his best, he is  better actor than Salman, Shah rukh and Akshay combined.
• Hats off to the director. He dint try too hard to communicate anything.
• There was nice sense of humour in the movie, even in emotional scenes and climaxes. All of those had quality, unlike Akshay’s jokes in his movie.
• Deepika was good. She looked hot , sexy and tall (taller than Rani and Preity combined )

I dint like these:

• Songs. Songs were OK, but i dint like them inserted in the movie. When are we getting rid of this practice ?

I read many reviews saying “plot is difficult to catch and confusing”. Well , that’s not true.. at all. This movie is no matrix, you will be able to catch is easily if you have ability to see beyond typical Bollywood Masalas.

I hope this movie is a big hit.

This is what you might have heard, or may be variant of it “This Maharashtra Police, I tell you, they are second to only the Scotland Yard of Britain – Big B“. I have heard the same about Hyderabad police , even Vijaykant (Captain) quotes in a movie that Tamilnadu police is second only to Scotland Yard.

Its a lie , it’s a bigger lie than “Salman Khan” can act !!. In fact, there are three lies in one statement.

• Scotland Yard is not a police force. Its an address of a (one of a )London City police force headquarters. Metropolitan police headquarters is at Scotland Yard , Westminster London with some post code.
• There is no citation that Met police is number one in world. Even if it there (citation needed) , on what basis ? what are the qualities analysed ?
• There is no reason that, one of Indian police force is second to that. Its just way to convince people with the information crowd is not going to verify , forever.

“Second only” song for those people who may go to google and try to verify if they were told it is “the best”. i.e. If you say “we are the best” could get “get lost…!” from some people. To convince these set of people try saying “we are not best , but we are right behind the best..” and the reaction would be “possible ..hm!!”.

There are so many other facts convinced with these kind of lies, for example :

• “India produces maximum wind power in whole world and Tamilnadu accounts for 80% of it”. This gem was by a key note speaker in a Electrical Engg. conference. He had authority on this topic since he was in Electricity Board.
• “It is scientifically proven that animal does not feel any pain if it is butchered as Halal and Kosher (religious way)”. I am not going to believe this till a dead bird or a goat explains me this logic. If you need proof , just go to PETA site and watch some videos on religious butchering, you will see everything yourself.

Its easy, you can always use words like ’scientifically’ and ‘technically’ to prove anything. See , I will create one theory right away : “Its is scientifically proven that “ginger-garlic paste” used in tikka masala has medicinal value and is a natural cure for Anthrax.

It was horrible, as expected. It dint make any sense at all , whole of it ! Every scene in the movie was utter madness. Its is generally told that “you need to leave your common sense behind before you watch Akshay Kumar movie“. But how long you can leave it behind ? First there was “singh is kinng” and there was “chandni.. china” stuff. Its almost six months since I left my common sense .. now can I have it back ?

To add to my irritation, crowd in London loved it !!! They were laughing their lungs out every time Akshay behaves like a buffoon or Kareena utters a bitchy dialogue. For example , there is this scene where people in a plane get confused for “Hi, Jack” as “Hijack”. The whole cinema went crazy and I looked like an idiot!! “seriously ..!!! for this used up pj??” Usually with this kind of crowd, one will definitely start doubting his own IQ. I survived since I have some experience in this area.

Back to the movie. Akshay Kumar looks handsome but what’s the point ? He acts like ‘Sid the Sloth’ , and not in a funny way. Kareena was not horrible in this movie. I ignored the presence of Aftab and other lady (Amrita I think), ignored for my good. Stalone, Denice and that superman dude were forceful insertion , they dont count (they actually did not count)

Big Minuses!
Obviously the director was not a bright guy, or he thinks we are not bright. Logic , general knowledge , IQ , math etc were severely hit filming this

• Kareena wears a hanging wrist watch (over the gloves) during the surgery ! and she leaves it in his stomach. Heard this anywhere ?
• Fun part is it can create enough sound for 100 sq m every hour through his stomach ! And batter does not die down till … end of time I suppose.
• Akshay Kumar locates a ring in Pacific Ocean !!! Jumps off the cruise ship in the middle of the ocean… there you go.. pin point !!! French government could have sent this dude when airbus crashed near Brazil. He would have found all victims in an hour … three times.
• Is there a stunt assistant award? How is it like? …like Spot boy awards?
• Doctors were more revealing clothes than anyone else in the movie , say a stripper. Or that’s the way director wants us to think about America.

There are somethings changed in Hindi movie , since I cared to observe

• There were open and direct references to sex (different kind). Too many of them
• All tabooed words are used (unusual for a hindi movie) F*, B*, Bi*, Ba* to name some.
• Number of songs reduced to three. Great news!

From three days I had severe head ache and cold. I accuse this movie for it. Well, it does not sound logical , but hey.. they are the ones who asked me to leave my logic behind!

Posted in london, rants Tagged: london, tate ]]> http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/06/28/mom-told-not-to-draw-on-walls/feed/ 3 bachodi http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/06/21/review-transformers-2-revenge-of-the-fallen/ http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/06/21/review-transformers-2-revenge-of-the-fallen/#comments Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:04:57 +0000 bachodi http://bachodi.wordpress.com/?p=450 ]]>

I feel violated. I felt like I was a Guinea pig for a cruel physiological experiment, for which I dint even get paid. I should have learned from my mistakes, they dint pay for me for “watchmen” either. This is just another Hollywood crap I wasted my money on, like “watchmen”, “terminator” etc (Basically all action movies of 2009). So trust me, you are not going to get back 150 minutes of your life, which you lost watching this. Watch it only if your ticket is refundable!

Here are some spoilers for those who choose not to trust me , and gonna watch it anyway since first part was (said to be) good :

• You remember they told , coloured alien trucks are good guys and grey/black are bad guys ? well, that rule no longer applies for this sequel. Throughout the movie you will be thrown into a puzzle where you will be left wondering who is fighting who. There are coloured enemies and grey allies, and fights simply indistinguishable.
• There was also a rule that, aliens transform into trucks, cars etc. but this time it surprisingly transforms into a hot girl!! with skin, legs, tongue etc
• There is this wise and old alien who can fly, but to walk he needs walking stick!!!

Transformers 2 is lifted from Bollywood!!

Now i feel that, Hollywood directors are running out of ideas and have started picking them from Bollywood Masala formulas. In this movie for instance, has a lot of qualities you find similar to a Hindi movie for reasons like these :

• Just like a Bollywood movie , this movie has a smart, cute , intelligent hero and hot heroin (though she is a car mechanic), a comedian (as usual guys room mate) , sentimental father and mother. There are some bad boys who are powerful , good guys who are powerful (but not when needed) , government and authorities who’s hands are tied by rules etc.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , this movie has a happy ending even though the fight is between human cockroaches  and mighty alien machines. Good guys win the battle even though only powerful ally remain dead till the end.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , our guy believes in one girlfriend. She replicates.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , it is painfully long.  150 minutes ! You could travel London to Paris in that duration, by train !
• Just like a Bollywood movie , there is battle field sentimental discussion and debate between boy – girl , boy – father, boy – mother , mother – father  then finally girl and mother-in-law. Topic is simple Bollywood crap “Be careful…., i will wait my whole life time….. for you!”
• Just like a Bollywood movie , bad guys abduct boys parents !! This formula is so used up, I guess this movie is 20 millionth to use this formula.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , there is this girl who tries to seduce our guy when our girl pops in at same time and feels Jealous. Then they fight , good girl kills bad girl.

I am gonna add few more points here as and when I recall. When we have a strong case , lets sue that director.

Jotheyali by Jo. This guys is goood.

Posted in Personal ]]> http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2009/06/11/our-contract/feed/ 4 bachodi 1st Anniversary http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/graffiti-declaration/ http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/graffiti-declaration/#comments Sun, 13 Jan 2008 09:43:00 +0000 bachodi http://bachodi.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/graffiti-declaration/ ]]>