Review:Dil Bole Hadippaa

Dil Bole Hadippaa! is another Yash Raj crappy movie. If you are not in high school (or below) and love your reasoning ability you shouldn’t like it. The movie is based on day dreams and fantasies of a fourteen year old.

Remember you were fourteen dreamt about being Chinese figure skating couple (with girl of third bench in your class) after watching it in ESPN? or dreamt about being Spanish Matador after watching it in a news channel? or being secret agent for RAW India and air dropped into Rawalpindi Pakiland for an assignment only you are capable of doing, fantasised after watching a crappy 007 bond movie? It’s same here in Dil Bole Hadippa. Scriptwriter was in a mindset of a high school kid and he just watched a Cricket match!!!

If you were to fantasise a cricket match …..

• Match will have to be won, and it should not be an easy win. It will be a “Last Ball, Last wicket, four runs” win
• Match will have to be won and more importantly won against political or traditional rivals. Also, it has to be a revenge win… 10 year old revenge.
• Opposite team will have 11 all-rounder world class players? Your team will have only you and your captain can play cricket. Rest of them are good for nothing. Still you win
• On the process of winning your vital bone will be fractured, your hand. You will still play to win the match. (If it were foot ball your leg will be fractured and if you are a ballet dancer your ankle….& so on).
• At one point of the time you will have to hit six sixes.
• You will have the ability to score big runs as right and also left handed batsman

Unfortunately all these fantasies are true in this movie; they are incorporated as it is; giving you the ability to predict every scene in the movie.

Other Masalas….

1. Masala #1 Songs: Packed with bad songs. Not single one of them is worth remembering again. This movie is targeted for NRIs around the worlds and specifically Punjabis, so each song is bhangra, with loads of colours and stuff. Exactly. I have never been to Punjab, but I am curious to learn if they dance all the time there as shown in this movie?
2. Masala#2 Re-unions: There are many reunions in this movie, and enough amount sentiments associate with it. First, the father reunites with son, after 10 years resulting in son giving up his career for his father’s silly ambitions. Mother reunites with father for no reason at all!!
3. Masala #3 Item girls: There are two of them in the movie, unnecessarily wearing less than necessary clothing.
4. Masala #4 Realization: Gender Equality, Social Equality, Cricket ethics, work ethics… and other topic attended at philosophical level shot at each other and rest of the world making them realise that they were totally wrong. It is presented such a way that before release of this movie there were none of the above listed ideas practiced in our society.
5. Masala #5 Disguise: Biggest mistake!!! Everyone in the audience (including any retarded ones, if any) can see Rani is in disguise as a man, but no character in the movie could figure that out. For whole length of the movie Rani hides behind thin beard and a turban. Not a soul, including her teammates, captain, spectators, Pakistani visa department, border security and the even the doctor had a teeny tiny doubt!!!

But Shahid could finally find out it’s actually a babe, not a guy and do you know how? Her freaking left contact lenses falls off!!!! What a genius!!!

Lessons learnt: Yash Raj movies suck, always !

Review : Love Aaj Kal

“Love Aaj Kal” is a very pleasant movie. This is one of the 5% Bollywood movies where director has common sense and actors can act.

Straight to the points, I liked these:

• Acting. There were no overacting !! All characters were good in their place. Saif was in his best, he is  better actor than Salman, Shah rukh and Akshay combined.
• Hats off to the director. He dint try too hard to communicate anything.
• There was nice sense of humour in the movie, even in emotional scenes and climaxes. All of those had quality, unlike Akshay’s jokes in his movie.
• Deepika was good. She looked hot , sexy and tall (taller than Rani and Preity combined )

I dint like these:

• Songs. Songs were OK, but i dint like them inserted in the movie. When are we getting rid of this practice ?

I read many reviews saying “plot is difficult to catch and confusing”. Well , that’s not true.. at all. This movie is no matrix, you will be able to catch is easily if you have ability to see beyond typical Bollywood Masalas.

I hope this movie is a big hit.

Movie Review : Kambakht Ishq

It was horrible, as expected. It dint make any sense at all , whole of it ! Every scene in the movie was utter madness. Its is generally told that “you need to leave your common sense behind before you watch Akshay Kumar movie“. But how long you can leave it behind ? First there was “singh is kinng” and there was “chandni.. china” stuff. Its almost six months since I left my common sense .. now can I have it back ?

To add to my irritation, crowd in London loved it !!! They were laughing their lungs out every time Akshay behaves like a buffoon or Kareena utters a bitchy dialogue. For example , there is this scene where people in a plane get confused for “Hi, Jack” as “Hijack”. The whole cinema went crazy and I looked like an idiot!! “seriously ..!!! for this used up pj??” Usually with this kind of crowd, one will definitely start doubting his own IQ. I survived since I have some experience in this area.

Back to the movie. Akshay Kumar looks handsome but what’s the point ? He acts like ‘Sid the Sloth’ , and not in a funny way. Kareena was not horrible in this movie. I ignored the presence of Aftab and other lady (Amrita I think), ignored for my good. Stalone, Denice and that superman dude were forceful insertion , they dont count (they actually did not count)

Big Minuses!
Obviously the director was not a bright guy, or he thinks we are not bright. Logic , general knowledge , IQ , math etc were severely hit filming this

• Kareena wears a hanging wrist watch (over the gloves) during the surgery ! and she leaves it in his stomach. Heard this anywhere ?
• Fun part is it can create enough sound for 100 sq m every hour through his stomach ! And batter does not die down till … end of time I suppose.
• Akshay Kumar locates a ring in Pacific Ocean !!! Jumps off the cruise ship in the middle of the ocean… there you go.. pin point !!! French government could have sent this dude when airbus crashed near Brazil. He would have found all victims in an hour … three times.
• Is there a stunt assistant award? How is it like? …like Spot boy awards?
• Doctors were more revealing clothes than anyone else in the movie , say a stripper. Or that’s the way director wants us to think about America.

There are somethings changed in Hindi movie , since I cared to observe

• There were open and direct references to sex (different kind). Too many of them
• All tabooed words are used (unusual for a hindi movie) F*, B*, Bi*, Ba* to name some.
• Number of songs reduced to three. Great news!

From three days I had severe head ache and cold. I accuse this movie for it. Well, it does not sound logical , but hey.. they are the ones who asked me to leave my logic behind!

Review : Transformers 2 – Revenge of the Fallen

I feel violated. I felt like I was a Guinea pig for a cruel physiological experiment, for which I dint even get paid. I should have learned from my mistakes, they dint pay for me for “watchmen” either. This is just another Hollywood crap I wasted my money on, like “watchmen”, “terminator” etc (Basically all action movies of 2009). So trust me, you are not going to get back 150 minutes of your life, which you lost watching this. Watch it only if your ticket is refundable!

Here are some spoilers for those who choose not to trust me , and gonna watch it anyway since first part was (said to be) good :

• You remember they told , coloured alien trucks are good guys and grey/black are bad guys ? well, that rule no longer applies for this sequel. Throughout the movie you will be thrown into a puzzle where you will be left wondering who is fighting who. There are coloured enemies and grey allies, and fights simply indistinguishable.
• There was also a rule that, aliens transform into trucks, cars etc. but this time it surprisingly transforms into a hot girl!! with skin, legs, tongue etc
• There is this wise and old alien who can fly, but to walk he needs walking stick!!!

Transformers 2 is lifted from Bollywood!!

Now i feel that, Hollywood directors are running out of ideas and have started picking them from Bollywood Masala formulas. In this movie for instance, has a lot of qualities you find similar to a Hindi movie for reasons like these :

• Just like a Bollywood movie , this movie has a smart, cute , intelligent hero and hot heroin (though she is a car mechanic), a comedian (as usual guys room mate) , sentimental father and mother. There are some bad boys who are powerful , good guys who are powerful (but not when needed) , government and authorities who’s hands are tied by rules etc.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , this movie has a happy ending even though the fight is between human cockroaches  and mighty alien machines. Good guys win the battle even though only powerful ally remain dead till the end.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , our guy believes in one girlfriend. She replicates.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , it is painfully long.  150 minutes ! You could travel London to Paris in that duration, by train !
• Just like a Bollywood movie , there is battle field sentimental discussion and debate between boy – girl , boy – father, boy – mother , mother – father  then finally girl and mother-in-law. Topic is simple Bollywood crap “Be careful…., i will wait my whole life time….. for you!”
• Just like a Bollywood movie , bad guys abduct boys parents !! This formula is so used up, I guess this movie is 20 millionth to use this formula.
• Just like a Bollywood movie , there is this girl who tries to seduce our guy when our girl pops in at same time and feels Jealous. Then they fight , good girl kills bad girl.

I am gonna add few more points here as and when I recall. When we have a strong case , lets sue that director.

Prehistoric evidence of plagiarism in Bollywood

Have you ever wondered who started copy culture in Bollywood movie Industry ?

There is Anu malik , there was bappi lahari, but who is before that. What, how and who used to copy songs for our favorite industry pre-bappi era ? Someone should really investigate this matter ( and blog it ), like bollycats are doing.

For the time being I present you one fossil evidence of same profession , which date PB era ( pre-buppi era).This song feat.s hysteric Shammi kapu and four monkyes dancing to a tune directly plagiarized from a Beatles song.

…shawshank redemption

Whenever they play music in my office (on weekends ), i recall “shawshank redemption”… does this happen to you too?

on munnabhai

As expected there is already a campaign against sentence  (read Indian judicial system) on Sanjay Dutt. Campaign is purely based on all sentiments a normal movie lover can possess – Philosophy, religion, faith, sympathy, pity (read emotional blackmails)
For LOLing

And anyway who are we to punish some one for his mistakes … Just like Jesus Christ once said “Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone”

I have heard he breaks down and starts crying many a times when he cant see some one’s pain/suffering …

Here is one more opinion by Soli Sorabjee which looks more logical.

What nonsense .. bollywood should actually be boycotting this chap if they had any little feeling for the victims of the 1993 mumbai blasts. But given the fact that how these so called heroes of bollywood wag their tail in front of daewood’s shows, the way jokers like johny lever mimick Indian national anthem to please daewood, what else can we expect from them? – Sense vs Sensation

God save FBI

This is how FBI officers find out truth.

Robert: you swear to God
Eric: excuse me !!
Robert: swear to god that everything you just told me is true
Robert: No .. I am not gonna do that , I wouldnt lie …

This is another conversation between two FBI agents.

Robert : You know why the Soviet Union empire collapsed?
Eric : …….????Good morning?
Robert : I made a carrier studying them, they were smarter than us – more devious, more determined why did they fail ?
Eric : ..?
Robert : Godlessness. Atheism

Both conversation are from Breach - a movie based on real story.

Facts about Rajani

Some facts about Rajanikant

• Rajnikant counted to infinity – twice.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.
• When Rajnikant does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
• There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
• Rajnikant invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

image : Jerry

book or movie ?

Imagine a situation where your boss gave you a day off. To spend time he gave you one boooring book (say Ayn rand ) and a stupid movie ( say some karan johar). Which one would you chose ?

That was just a question, for answers just look at these maps.

Books published, including school textbooks.  and boy !!! where is Africa ?