Thank god!!! I am still an atheist

My test results :

The Pyrrhonian
The results are in, and it appears that you have scored 55%… Quietly confident and aloof, the Pyrrhonian recognises that religions exist and that people subscribe to them, but manages to keep well out of it all. Pyrrhonians came to the realisation long ago that all matters of faith are beyond the scope of reason or argument, and thus retains a clear-headed skeptical approach to religion in general. They refuse to place belief in anything for which there is no proof, and regard the majority of theistic claims as irreconcilable. Leading a life of tranquility undisturbed by religious concerns, the position of the Pyrrhonian is enviable, if a little frustrating for others at times.

What kind of atheist are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Apathetic Atheist, Meh… whatever. Apathetic Atheists tend towards disbelief because believing takes more work. These are the people who won’t argue religion, even if a total nutjob confronts them because arguing just seems like a waste of time they could spend doing something else.

KL Saigal classic – Jack and Jill

I have two songs for this week, which are very inspiring song for bollywood aspirants . These are the best parodies I have ever heard. First one is by KL Saigal on “jack and Jill went up the hill”. Listen or download. ROTFAL and ROTFALALALALAR

download

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

This is bonus track for you, called “Ba ba blacsheep”. Its a tribal song sung in farming season in an Indian village… too good. ( little addition to lyrics is there- “bolo re bolo”).

download

Mia Adam and Eve Begaum

There are several Jokes on Adam and Eve, the first prophets. This political joke is my favorite among them. I read many versions of it , with Russians , Egyptians and Indians also. Pakistani version is very apt for the context. No offense .. but truth

A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Pakistani went to an Art museum and were spending some time in front of the painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. After observing the painting for a while an intrigued observer asked the four men where they thought Adam and Eve’s origins could be from.

The German said: “Look at the perfection of their bodies. She with her slender and well-formed figure and he with that athletic body and bulging muscles. There is no doubt they must be of German origin.”

Immediately the Frenchman reacts! “C’est Impossible! One can clearly see the eroticism that is exuding from both figures… She so feminine? He so masculine… And both so aware of the impending temptation… They must be French!”

Shaking his head in disagreement, the Englishman comments: “Oh No, Chaps it can’t be! Note the serenity on their faces, their delicate pose, the sobriety in their gestures. They could only be English.”

To my dear future wife

To my dear future wife,

I don’t care how do you look. I don’t give a damn about how much do you weigh. These are all immaterial in a proper Indian arranged marriage/remarriage ( with Indian culture incorporated in it). What i am asking is you to follow proper culture and customs – which is the same tradition which we celebrated from years.

If you still dint understand, forward this to your dad. tell him these are the things he needs to take care.

• I am a post graduate in a world class institute and currently working in a reputed multinational. My current market rate is min of 25 Lack rupees. Just for you i am relaxing the rates. Let be in dollars and just 22 Lacks.

• I don’t like two wheelers, they are unsafe and inefficient with me and you ( two hundred KGs ) on it. Ask your dad Ford. (By ask i mean insist )

• I estimate you can always carry minimum of 5 to 6 kg of gold. its just for a day ( the day you are getting married ). (Please refer the example picture ) Later I shall decide what to do with it. I am a good investor , and I bet the best in horse race.

• I would like to have ( need ) a grand party for me and my friends. We take “teacher’s” and “Vat69″. See i am making it cheaper, I dint ask for Jack Danial’s

• There are several other requests , I shall let you know as and when it comes to my mind. But beware I have five Lt of kerosene ready, I wont hesitate to use it as all Indian cultured dudes have done.

Life is stuck,

.. and currently I am

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Dear Domino’s and Subway,

Dear Domino’s and Subway,
Congratulations on loosing one more customer. Thanks for all the wrong deliveries you have done to me. I took long time before I settle down, after trying chapathis of pizza corner, paranthas and pizza hut and vada pav of Marry brown. It was taste and quality that made me keep ordering you. But now, it looks like you misplaced recipe.

Its too late now, I am tired. You both together lost around 1500 Rs business per week. There are some things I want to ask (and shout).

• I repeatedly telling Jalapeño am my favorite. When I say I need more Jalapeño on subway and extra Jalapeño topping on my pizza, I mean “I NEED ““EXTRA” of them. I did not find a single piece of it. Do you know English?
• If you haven’t put Jalapeño, please tell me you haven’t. “It’s embedded inside the pizza”, “it’s in the form of pizza” etc are simply not acceptable. Your delivery boys think I am and lallu-pappu is it?
• When I say “one” it is “one”, when I say “two” I really mean I need “two”. Please don’t send one coke less and argue that is what I ordered. I know my orders and you billed it. Your apologies don’t fill my stomach.

ankola

Wheel chair is available with station master. If you need one crawl all the way to his office and get it.

Are you concerned ?

It’s obvious that everyone is concerned about global warming, specially when there is a camera looking at them. Anyone can answer “basically I am very very much concerned, thanks for this opportunity for being a part of this survey, actually …. Thank you one and all “ etc etc. One of such useless time pass survey says:

“Indians cared most about carbon emissions, with 55 per cent describing themselves as “very concerned” about the issue while just 32 per cent of Britons felt the same way”

If you are confused I would suggest ROFL

Instead of making that survey a complete failure, they could have asked a different set of questions and made it funny

I) Are you concerned about global warming?a) Very much concerned b) somewhat concerned d) not concerned

II) If a) please tell us what is global warming.

Universal soldier Balayya

After writing about our beloved Gyapten sir, I just couldn’t help myself posting about one more universal warrior. He is one dedicated professional trained in samurai, karate, Judo, yoga, kalaripet, and bubo (whatever that means), has been pain in the ass of so many bad gangstas we have around in this cruel world. You people don’t realize the reasons you are alive. Anyways, come to the point. He is Balayya, James balayya.

There is confusion between we will call Gyapten as Tamil balayya or Balayya as Telugu Gyapten. I would like to keep them keep them separate without any comparison. They both are legends in their own ways.

Let’s start. First and foremost thing reason I worship him (and also the reason you are all alive) is because of this bomb diffusion (he did it for mankind). But unfortunately I did not get video for that. But not to worry, we have vivek. He has written that for us with the help of some of the photos.

Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair…Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair…

 

Here is our hero’s brother…The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach…The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls.. The shells triggered Balakrishna’s brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea…He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells…

Ten ways to stop telemarketing calls

This is a very very useful list of ways to deal with telemarketing agents. Irritate them by returning the favor. I have added some points based on my experiences. Have fun, learn and adopt, you will have peaceful life.

1.  After the telemarketer finishes speaking ask what he/she is doing this weekend. Don’t worry about other side is he/she; just ask him/her out. And finally ask him/her to marry you

2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. Mimicking you played with siblings when you were young pay off here.

4. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child. Ask your child to sing nursery rhymes

6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder…louder…louder!

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these  problems…………”   

9. Cry out in surprise, “Helen, is that you? I’ve been hoping you’d call! How is the family?” When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.      

10. Tell the HSBC call center guy to call on your office number. – And give him the ICICI call center number.