He: Hey Bachs, do you know what is the meaning of Bhosudi?

Me: Err..!!! Good morning???

He: No, I am serious, it’s one word we use it in daily conversation, do you know the meaning?

Me: Absolutely no idea dude. May be you can educate me

He: that’s the point dude. It doesn’t have any meaning. I have asked the same question to thousands of users, no one seems to know the meaning.

Me: no one? So why do you use it.

He: psychology. People think it is abusive word, and use it as abuse. People get offended, case they think this word used against them is an abuse.

Me: Boyy… !!! you did a research on this.

He: So I was wondering , Why not pump in some more words in our day to day conversation vocab, which does not have any meaning and still abusive

Me: hmm… noble thought…

He: so take…Bhurung

Me: Bhurung?? What does it mean?

He: Bachs… don’t be a tube-light, this does not mean anything. Simple “bhurung” it is abusive… people should get offended

Me: wonderful… Anything else?

He: ya… pintukla, should be used as “Abe oye pintukle!!!” the severity of this abuse lies between “Abe oye satkele!!” and “Bhurung”

Me: Oh… you already have severity of the abuse worked out.

He: ya… and they should be spelled as Bhu and four asterisk (Bhu****) and pin with five (pin*****). Watch out one day will come people will use it in various forms bhu-off bhurunged, getting bhurunged, “what the bhurung is this “ , get burung, go bhurung etc etc

Me: oh… forethoughts and predictions.

He: ya people will object not to use these words in public. Moms will tell kids “beta B word and P word gande hote hen “etc.

Me: wow… you will be a legend, for your contribution to day-to-day life vocab.

He: Thanks please spread the word.
The Bach

Have you ever wondered who started copy culture in Bollywood movie Industry ?

There is Anu malik , there was bappi lahari, but who is before that. What, how and who used to copy songs for our favorite industry pre-bappi era ? Someone should really investigate this matter ( and blog it ), like bollycats are doing.

For the time being I present you one fossil evidence of same profession , which date PB era ( pre-buppi era).This song feat.s hysteric Shammi kapu and four monkyes dancing to a tune directly plagiarized from a Beatles song.

Yenjaay

and the orginal

Six months back one plate of Idly-Vada used to cost Rs.10. Now it is Rs 25. When I calculated the cost of idly is growing 150% P.A. (BSE Sensex gives 18%).

I am already planning to establish idly storage plant, to store all Idlies to create market shortage, sell it in Rs. 35 per plate.

Good investment opportunity, wot say? Anyone’s with me?

Whenever they play music in my office (on weekends ), i recall “shawshank redemption”… does this happen to you too?

“ನಮಸ್ಕಾರ ಸಾರ್”

“ಹೆಲೊ..???”

“ನಾನು ದಿವಾಕರ್ , ಕನ್ನಡಿಗ ಸಾರ್.. ನೀವು ಬೆಂಗ್ಳೂರಾ?”

“ದಿವಾಕರ್ …?? ಯಾರು ಗೊತ್ತಾಗ್ಲಿಲ್ಲ”

“ನಿಮ್ಮ ಕಾಲರ್ ಟ್ಯೂನ್ ಕನ್ನಡ ಕೇಳಿ , ಕನ್ನಡಿಗರು ಅಂದ್ಕೊಂಡೆ.. ಡಿಸ್ಟರ್ಬ್ ಮಾಡಿದ್ನಾ ಸಾರ್?”

“ಇಲ್ಲ ಪರ್ವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ… ಏನು ಬೇಕಾಗಿತ್ತು ಹೇಳಿ”

“ಸಾರ್ , ನಿಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿ … ಐಸಿಐಸಿಐ ಕಾರ್ಡು ಇದೆಯಾ ಸಾರ್”

” …???”

First was this

#2 : Women (again ?? ) are going to loose strength in their heel[1][2], toes gonna get stronger [3]though [refer the pic].

[1] : Unless classical Indian and Russian dances, get popular again.

[2]: Unless High heel shoes get some kind of ban on it, like Fatwa etc.

[3]: Unless “low heel- high toe shoes” become popular ( I am thinking of inventing one )

Check your symptoms here. I was tested positive.

in here via pradeep

       Some time back Srik asked me “Whats the difference between a Kerala communist and other communists? Well, Kerala communism is a philosophy by itself. It is “take policies as time changes and completely forget where they started”. In my opinion it is a complete hypocrisy. Infact, communism in India has lost its meaning. If Karl Marks was alive today, he would have definitely taken rat poison.
      For example, there was “Anti Coke Pepsi” campaign few months back. Kerala assembly discussed it for length and finally decided to ban those products. Next day none of the college campuses had Coke and Pepsi but Sprite, Seven-up, Mirinda, Fanta …were available. A curious journalist asked one of the ministers “Why two products alone, why not ban all the products which are proved to have chemicals”. Minister happily said, “Oops … In assembly we did not discuss other drinks at all … he he”.
Another instance is where they have done blunder in their party name itself (my previous post).

Coming to the point of me being called a Kerala communist when I was a kid, was because of the way I used to argue. Here is an instance I remember –

“Hey mom, Bro is eating curd”
“So???”
“Why am I was not served curd for lunch”
“Alright … take how much ever you want”
“Gee..!! You know I don’t eat curd”
“I know that … that is why I did not serve you”
“But why did you give it to him, all are equal isn’t it”
“You don’t eat, I did not give it to you. Your brother eats, so he is eating”
“There is no equality in this house, if all are equal how come some are served more??”
Soon after my statement there was political oppression on me.
Now when I look back, I feel it’s kinda cute. Thatz me!!!

If you want to know where you fall in the political map, here is a political compass. Answer all the questions and find what political nature you have.

I am slightly authoritarian and neo-liberal (Oops … against Gandhi?).

Technorati Tags: political, compass, gandhi, hitler, views, facism, left, kerala, india

Some facts about Rajanikant

• Rajnikant counted to infinity – twice.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.
• When Rajnikant does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
• There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
• Rajnikant invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

image : Jerry

• Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikant”
• If you Google search “Rajnikant getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
• James Cameron wanted Rajnikant to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Read complete list of facts here:

Hi,
I am divya, UKG-B.I lost my “rubber vecha pencil “(pencil with a rubber attached).The pencil costs Rs.3/-.I don’t know you, but if u forward this msg I will get 1 paise from ICICI Bank. If you have heart plz fwd to atleast 10 mail ids. Please don’t neglect. May God bless you. Otherwise my mom will scold me.:-(

Divya,
UKG-B.

My test results :

The Pyrrhonian
The results are in, and it appears that you have scored 55%… Quietly confident and aloof, the Pyrrhonian recognises that religions exist and that people subscribe to them, but manages to keep well out of it all. Pyrrhonians came to the realisation long ago that all matters of faith are beyond the scope of reason or argument, and thus retains a clear-headed skeptical approach to religion in general. They refuse to place belief in anything for which there is no proof, and regard the majority of theistic claims as irreconcilable. Leading a life of tranquility undisturbed by religious concerns, the position of the Pyrrhonian is enviable, if a little frustrating for others at times.

What kind of atheist are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Apathetic Atheist, Meh… whatever. Apathetic Atheists tend towards disbelief because believing takes more work. These are the people who won’t argue religion, even if a total nutjob confronts them because arguing just seems like a waste of time they could spend doing something else.

One more ,

How Skeptical Are You?

I have two songs for this week, which are very inspiring song for bollywood aspirants . These are the best parodies I have ever heard. First one is by KL Saigal on “jack and Jill went up the hill”. Listen or download. ROTFAL and ROTFALALALALAR

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

This is bonus track for you, called “Ba ba blacsheep”. Its a tribal song sung in farming season in an Indian village… too good. ( little addition to lyrics is there- “bolo re bolo”).

download

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for the master,
One for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Bolore bolo bolore bolo…….

PS1: Thanks sarkar to sending me these. He made me recall all such songs we used to write.
PS2: These have only 5GB ( each) monthly bandwidth, If you cant download let me know. I shall mail them to you.
Technorati Tags: BA+ba+black+sheep, KL+Saigal, nursery, rhymes, jack+and+jill, parody

There are several Jokes on Adam and Eve, the first prophets. This political joke is my favorite among them. I read many versions of it , with Russians , Egyptians and Indians also. Pakistani version is very apt for the context. No offense .. but truth

A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Pakistani went to an Art museum and were spending some time in front of the painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. After observing the painting for a while an intrigued observer asked the four men where they thought Adam and Eve’s origins could be from.

The German said: “Look at the perfection of their bodies. She with her slender and well-formed figure and he with that athletic body and bulging muscles. There is no doubt they must be of German origin.”

Immediately the Frenchman reacts! “C’est Impossible! One can clearly see the eroticism that is exuding from both figures… She so feminine? He so masculine… And both so aware of the impending temptation… They must be French!”

Shaking his head in disagreement, the Englishman comments: “Oh No, Chaps it can’t be! Note the serenity on their faces, their delicate pose, the sobriety in their gestures. They could only be English.”

After a few more seconds of contemplation, the Pakistani exclaims: “I do NOT agree with ANY of your theories! Look closer, they do not have clothes, they do not have shoes, and they do not even have shelter. All they have is ONE apple to eat and to top it all off it is prohibited, there is fatwa on it! They don’t protest and they STILL think they are in Paradise!?? Clearly, these two can only be Pakistanis!!!”

And this is latest controversy on Adam and Eve, the first prophets – A Pakistani version. This cartoon was published in a Pakistani Magazine some time back. As expected there was a fatwa on the editors. And Guess what was the complaint ? Cartoonist painted the couple “naked”. Guess I need to read holy books again , these guys questioning my memory

clipped from www.flickr.com

Technorati Tags: adam, eve, pakistan, joke, fatwa, cartoon

To my dear future wife,

I don’t care how do you look. I don’t give a damn about how much do you weigh. These are all immaterial in a proper Indian arranged marriage/remarriage ( with Indian culture incorporated in it). What i am asking is you to follow proper culture and customs – which is the same tradition which we celebrated from years.

If you still dint understand, forward this to your dad. tell him these are the things he needs to take care.

• I am a post graduate in a world class institute and currently working in a reputed multinational. My current market rate is min of 25 Lack rupees. Just for you i am relaxing the rates. Let be in dollars and just 22 Lacks.

• I don’t like two wheelers, they are unsafe and inefficient with me and you ( two hundred KGs ) on it. Ask your dad Ford. (By ask i mean insist )

• I estimate you can always carry minimum of 5 to 6 kg of gold. its just for a day ( the day you are getting married ). (Please refer the example picture ) Later I shall decide what to do with it. I am a good investor , and I bet the best in horse race.

• I would like to have ( need ) a grand party for me and my friends. We take “teacher’s” and “Vat69″. See i am making it cheaper, I dint ask for Jack Danial’s

• There are several other requests , I shall let you know as and when it comes to my mind. But beware I have five Lt of kerosene ready, I wont hesitate to use it as all Indian cultured dudes have done.

Example: This is picture to illustrate how much dowry you can bring to me. After looking at this I felt I should be following Indian culture of taking dowry and throwing all ethics to a pit. good luck.

News : “New Gold mine found in India”

Technorati Tags: India, marriage, dowry, gold

.. and currently I am

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Dear Domino’s and Subway,
Congratulations on loosing one more customer. Thanks for all the wrong deliveries you have done to me. I took long time before I settle down, after trying chapathis of pizza corner, paranthas and pizza hut and vada pav of Marry brown. It was taste and quality that made me keep ordering you. But now, it looks like you misplaced recipe.

Its too late now, I am tired. You both together lost around 1500 Rs business per week. There are some things I want to ask (and shout).

• I repeatedly telling Jalapeño am my favorite. When I say I need more Jalapeño on subway and extra Jalapeño topping on my pizza, I mean “I NEED ““EXTRA” of them. I did not find a single piece of it. Do you know English?
• If you haven’t put Jalapeño, please tell me you haven’t. “It’s embedded inside the pizza”, “it’s in the form of pizza” etc are simply not acceptable. Your delivery boys think I am and lallu-pappu is it?
• When I say “one” it is “one”, when I say “two” I really mean I need “two”. Please don’t send one coke less and argue that is what I ordered. I know my orders and you billed it. Your apologies don’t fill my stomach.
• Please do not display that Paresh Rawal ad “30 min, else pizza free”. I was just wondering how many people you have fooled already.
• When I want a sub, I need Italian vegetables in it, a pizza should have all the things it is written in pamphlets, and garlic bread should have garlic paste on it. These are all for your information. I strongly believe you have misplaced recipe.
• Call your head office and confirm, are you really authorized to customize pizzas and subs based on local food. Only cabbage, tomato and cucumber will make it look like veg sandwich. I dint order for that and I am not willing to pay that amount you have written.
• If you don’t have small and medium pizzas, you supply only large ones, please close your shop for the day.

That’s all for now. Good bye. Find some other person and fool him, I am done.

Technorati Tags: Jalapeño, dominos, pizza, subway, Chennai

Wheel chair is available with station master. If you need one crawl all the way to his office and get it.

It’s obvious that everyone is concerned about global warming, specially when there is a camera looking at them. Anyone can answer “basically I am very very much concerned, thanks for this opportunity for being a part of this survey, actually …. Thank you one and all “ etc etc. One of such useless time pass survey says:

“Indians cared most about carbon emissions, with 55 per cent describing themselves as “very concerned” about the issue while just 32 per cent of Britons felt the same way”

If you are confused I would suggest ROFL

Instead of making that survey a complete failure, they could have asked a different set of questions and made it funny

I) Are you concerned about global warming?a) Very much concerned b) somewhat concerned d) not concerned

II) If a) please tell us what is global warming.

After writing about our beloved Gyapten sir, I just couldn’t help myself posting about one more universal warrior. He is one dedicated professional trained in samurai, karate, Judo, yoga, kalaripet, and bubo (whatever that means), has been pain in the ass of so many bad gangstas we have around in this cruel world. You people don’t realize the reasons you are alive. Anyways, come to the point. He is Balayya, James balayya.

There is confusion between we will call Gyapten as Tamil balayya or Balayya as Telugu Gyapten. I would like to keep them keep them separate without any comparison. They both are legends in their own ways.

Let’s start. First and foremost thing reason I worship him (and also the reason you are all alive) is because of this bomb diffusion (he did it for mankind). But unfortunately I did not get video for that. But not to worry, we have vivek. He has written that for us with the help of some of the photos.

Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair…Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair…

 

Here is our hero’s brother…The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach…The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls.. The shells triggered Balakrishna’s brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea…He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells…

Now, lets have a look at the time-bomb…The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking…See the weird buttons on the bomb??…The red button is the On-Off button!!…Now, this is the world’s first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button…This is what I call a ‘User-friendly Time-bomb’…Very easy to handle…Can be used even by infants…

 

Look and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air…Credit goes to Balakrishna here…He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet…He can be a good asset to the Indian army…The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the red button!!…The time-bomb gets switched off!!…Balakrishna saves himself and his brother!!…

 

Courtesy – Vivek

The next thing I wanted to show you ladies and gentlemen, Balayya’s ability to control over small things in the world. He does wonder like a prophet. Here in this situation Bad guys and Sonali Bendre are watching and Balayya is in fixed situation (I guess). Totally today’s assignment is to shoo those gangstas away. He just says “Jai chennakesava “and it echoes thrice (it had to). And he shows direction. Suddenly (with a Dhud sound) some bogies of the train get de-linked to the train and start moving, in the other direction. Till now it is considered to be the one of the biggest mysteries. Even David blain asks “ how the hell did he do that ?? “

The next thing I want to present is to show how much balayya loves kids. He is more kid loving than Neharu chacha. There is a situation where his daughter’s pet Rabbit has gone crazy and does rock climbing. Kids start crying, and is not satisfied with Balayya’s other tricks. So balayya had to so the magic he is famous for. He climbs the rock like a steady elephant. He leaps rock to rock like a pregnant eagle. If you want some similar situation to have a comparison, please recall the first scene of MI2, where tom cruise does rock climbing. I bet Balayya is much better than Tom -more energetic, Just for comparison I have mentioned. Have look and have fun.

The last but not the least, “andariki manchivadu” deenadaata, bhakta rakshaka balayya’s abilities in emergency situation. This video displays his abilities to move his Just_lessthan_a_quintal body in lightning speed. Situation is a band of gangsta done some stupid abduction of village beauties and taking them away in a Jeep. Balayya smells it from nowhere and prepares a bow and arrow instantly. Aims like arjuna and shoots it into woods, kills the driver. Now Balayya takes his own Mahindra ratha and jumps over that jeep. The rest of the things are spectacular, I bet you will love it. He moves so fast that all the bullets pass near body and never touches him. FYI Keanu reeves in the movie “the matrix” copied these moves.

That’s all from me now. I shall get back to you with some more universal soldiers. Your work is to watch it, and thank him for saving you from bad elements of this world.

Yen joy
B
PS: Thanks Vivek for Wonder with time bomb ( first miracle I posted here ) , both text and pictures

Technorati Tags: Balayya, balakrishna, telugu, movie, stunts, action

This is a very very useful list of ways to deal with telemarketing agents. Irritate them by returning the favor. I have added some points based on my experiences. Have fun, learn and adopt, you will have peaceful life.

1.  After the telemarketer finishes speaking ask what he/she is doing this weekend. Don’t worry about other side is he/she; just ask him/her out. And finally ask him/her to marry you

2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. Mimicking you played with siblings when you were young pay off here.

4. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child. Ask your child to sing nursery rhymes

6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder…louder…louder!

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these  problems…………”   

9. Cry out in surprise, “Helen, is that you? I’ve been hoping you’d call! How is the family?” When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.      

10. Tell the HSBC call center guy to call on your office number. – And give him the ICICI call center number. 

Yenjoye

b

 Update 06June:

We got a good news just after a day I posted this. Feel free to thank me… then I’ll say “its okay”

Trai slaps Rs 500 fine on unsolicited calls

The Telecom Regulatory Authority of India (Trai) has decided to levy a fine of Rs 500 per unsolicited call or SMS. Further, the telemarketer could also face disconnection of services as per the regulation rolled out by Trai.Trai has also mandated the National Informatics Centre (NIC) to set up a national do not call (NDNC) registry in three months time. It has also sought the help of the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) and the Indian Banks’ Association (IBA) to ensure that telemarketers are engaged after registering with the Department of Telecommunications (DoT).